Definition of Terms
To discuss this sensitive topic we must clearly define our terms first. These are not definite definitions but simply a stating of our use of these words within the confines of this article. I have adapted them somewhat from their dictionary definition to highlight certain subtleties that will be relevant later on. Please know that you, of course, may define these words differently in your every day life, but for this article let us agree that this is what we mean:
Comfort– A condition or feeling of pleasurable physical ease or relief from pain or stress. Comfort is the state of having your desires satiated.
Discomfort– The state of desiring comfort; uneasiness, mental or physical; disturbance of peace; inquietude; pain; distress; sorrow. Discomfort is the sensation of lacking something you desire.
Safety– Freedom from whatever exposes one to danger or from liability to cause danger or harm; hence, the quality of making secure, or of giving confidence, justifying trust, insuring against harm or loss, etc. Safety is the condition of being free from harm due to a positive force.
Danger– Exposure to injury, loss, pain, or other evil; peril; risk; insecurity. Danger is a state of fear of what is happening to you and its possible ramifications.
Now that we have defined our terms we can begin this exploration of the concepts of comfort and safety. We mean to shine a light on the necessity of discomfort, and the inevitability of danger; we will problematize the idea comfort, and put safety in its proper context. Nothing said here is definitive, we are explorers alongside you on this journey, and we invite you to reach out with your comments, critiques, or comradery. We must co-generate these concepts, and adapt them to our ever changing needs. It is a buzz word like self-care these days to talk about comfort, to relish in its warm embrace, even to weaponize its language. For example, a cis hetero white masc individual might have a great deal of things that make them feel discomfort, but there is a chance that those things are worth sitting with and they would do well existing in that space of discomfort for a time.
We must make our first caveat here, there is no intention of rendering people truly unsafe in any situation. Our hope is to convince you that safety and comfort are not the same thing. We want you to acknowledge that discomfort serves a role in our lives, in growing and learning. It is as unavoidable as true danger, but it is not the same as danger. Danger must be accepted, avoided, and managed; discomfort can often just be experienced without any ill effects to the psyche. Yet many people think, or at least act, like the Venn diagram of the two concepts are a circle, being the same in every way but semantically. We seek to expose the opposing truth, that their Venn diagrams are actually hardly overlapping at all. So without further delay, please join us on this exploration of the war in every word. When the battlefield is language, words matter.
Everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own body, in their home, and in their workplace. Yet so many are denied it. The oppressed and marginalized are routinely denied the commodity of comfort. Comfort, white supremacy culture holds, is for those with power, those with wealth. This is not comfort but the denial of conflict, a deep seated value of white supremacist culture. Those in privileged positions, formally or informally, tend to not want things upsetting the status quo, and avoid conflictual situations at all costs. This they say, is comfort, their comfort is being attacked when a trans person wants to exist in public, or a BIPOC individual challenges their right to kill them with impunity, or when those without houses are forced to sleep on sidewalks. Fuck their comfort, that is precisely the culture we want to abolish. But comfort cannot be problematized out of existence either. For without it, the poor and marginalized face the looming future of mere survival. We deserve to thrive. We demand both bread and roses, after all.
Our critique of comfort is not meant to downplay its importance or its usefulness. We aim to distinguish and clarify the times in which comfort might be detrimental, since it is rare for something to be all good or all bad. Most things come in shades of nuanced gray, not a stark binary. We believe that a measure of discomfort, that does not approach the realm of actual danger, can promote critical thinking and deliberate decision-making in affinity groups. While placing oneself in a dangerous situation is not recommended, discomfort pushes us out of our comfort zone and into areas we have less experience with, acclimating us to other cultures and points of view. This makes us capable of more, and deeper, understanding and empathy. This strengthens our networks of care, and makes our communities more resilient in the face of State repression and cultural misunderstandings. Our thesis is not that comfort is to be avoided or looked down on, but that it serves a limited purpose, and the constant craving of it puts us at a tactical disadvantage in our fight against oppressive structures.
Without the occasional discomfort, we would find it hard to acquire new experiences, as this can involve much trepidation and discomfort. Our favorite music, food, or even our political persuasion; it was all new to us at some point in the past. We were undoubtedly discomforted by the novel ideas and yet after trying them and learning more about them we declare them later in life to be our favorites. If this is true for so many things, why not observe it and respond to this trend by being more willing, in the future, to try things we find uncomfortable? This would be good praxis for any anarchist. Discomfort also allows us to sit with poor choices or actions we have taken and reflect on their outcomes. This is critical to the leftist world view, the constant self-critique of our own preconceptions and our own behaviors. We must always be challenging our world views and pushing each other into more and more radical and inclusive theories.
This is the agenda of the anarchist, to be ever pressing the realm of acceptable ideas into the furthest bottom left corner of that political compass. It is not a point we reach and then can rest on our previous accomplishments, knowing we are all done progressing towards liberatory practices, NO! It is an eternal and continuous process of revolution and revolt against the dominant narratives of the day that seek to oppress people and keep them from their humanity. This means that an inherent part of our role is to deliberately put ourselves into spaces of discomfort in order to expand our boundaries and learn about new ways of living, new ways of connecting, and new ways of relating to each other. We must be willing to sit in it and feel the full brunt of the discomfort when we look at ourselves critically. Only by doing so can any true self reflection be achieved. Often the human mind does back flips of logic in order to self-justify our past behaviors, even, no…especially if we find them reprehensible in the present. This seems to be a biological truth that we must actively combat from within. So, the next time you are taking time to look at yourself and your history of action (something you should do from time to time) delve into those uncomfortable feelings and areas of your memory that you typically avoid. Expose them to the light of your attention and if not resolve those deep seated issues, then at least sit with that feeling for a bit so as to acclimate yourself to it, and know that you are alright. Whatever you have done you are worthy of care and love. We all are.
This activity is not meant to absolve people of their abuses, or give them an unearned feeling of having dealt with an issue. It is not a matter of twisting the discomfort into comfort by that crafty human reasoning, it is precisely to BE uncomfortable for a time. To know that that feeling is part of the work we do, the world we build, and is to be avoided at our peril. Discomfort is the first step on the road to change. Use it.
Ahhhh the warmth of a bubble bath, the weight of a blanket, the pressure from a good hug; these are all very comforting things to us generally. They are all also typically safe places for us, and maybe that is why we tend to confuse the two concepts. But they are not the same, one can be comfortable in a dangerous situation, one could feel discomfort in a perfectly safe environment. They are separate concepts. Comfort as we have defined above is about getting our needs met, whereas safety is a more basic concept of being without harm. These certainly overlap in some areas, being without harm is a pretty standard need after all. But let’s spend some time teasing them apart so that we can examine the true usefulness of comfort as a tool. When people’s needs are satiated, they tend to be less likely to push for change. This makes logical sense, who would want to change things if the current system caters to your every need? But this is a strictly individualistic world view, it doesn’t take into account the comfortability of everyone so much as just you or your family unit. By extending our views to include the whole human race, we can see that the vast majority of people do not live in daily comfort. Comfort, under capitalism, has been commodified like everything else, that is we must pay for it. Whether taking time for self-care routines, having a blanket to crawl under or a place to sleep, or trusting someone enough to let them touch you; comfort has become a privilege.
We argue that comfort is a human right, just as much as safety. We need to be able to find sanctuary from the world sometimes in spaces that make us feel happy and taken care of. It is only because of our current systems that this is not true. We traded comfort for security, and received neither. Now, comfort and the placating effect it has on the human mind, is a tool used by our oppressors to control our actions, and make sure the people who have the power to enact change never desire to. This should be a point of attack for anarchists. A strategy worth noting. We, as radicals are charged with creating novel approaches to comfort, discovering and inventing ways to pursue this feeling without falling into complacency. Developing activities that link the feeling of comfort to the very act of radical change and liberatory practices.
Safety is a state of being free from harm, a state of being not found very often in our communities. Yet this is far more important to cultivate than comfort. While comfort is needed, it must be approached with care and mindfulness. Safety, on the other hand, should be a baseline for our spaces. No one should have to do any work to feel safe around us or in our communities. That is not to say that we can immediately snap our fingers and make our trans comrades, or BIPOC comrades feel safe in a world that so clearly wants them dead. We cannot be expected to control these outside influences, but we can control the spaces we inhabit. These should be safe and inclusive as a rule, always checking in with people about their feelings and what can be done to increase their feelings of safety within the group. Safety is critical to healthy interactions, comfort can be detrimental. It can stifle exploration of our own flaws and blind spots. Safe spaces will allow discomfort to flourish in a healthy way, leading to greater understanding, empathy, and a tactical knowledge useful in our fight against oppression.
In the spaces this author inhabits there seems to be a trend towards the confusion between the concept of discomfort and danger. Many times I have seen the idea of danger weaponized to shut down debate or exploration of an idea, when in actuality what is being experienced is simply discomfort. The two can be easily mixed up. But when we confuse these two we risk losing out on the benefits of a deep exploration of the issues at hand. There are plenty of dangerous situations in our lives to be truly concerned about and we must be prepared to take those seriously and when danger presents itself to root it out and deal with it. But because the two are so closely linked in our culture, we also must be wiling and able to take the time necessary to adequately analyze the situation and determine if what is being experienced is actually danger, or merely discomfort. This is a serious ask, no small feat. Most times when the specter of danger is raised, debate and analysis shuts down and removing the perceived danger takes priority. This actually exposes the intersection of white supremacy culture with the concept of ever present urgency. The feeling of urgency to deal with a possibly dangerous situation leaves us little time for rational decision making and introspective thought. This is on purpose. This is the state of things imposed on us by the ruling class. We have to resist this urge to react immediately, balancing the need for swift action with the need for deliberate action.
When talking about allowing periods of discomfort to settle into our lives, we must take care to protect ourselves against true harm. We must be familiar with the two concepts, and understand how to identify each. This means we must be practitioners of this balance of urgency and thoughtfulness. Prioritizing safety above comfort, and being willing to take the time necessary to dive deep into problematic situations that makes us uncomfortable. Discernment takes time, and this is the antithesis of a quick reaction, something our culture and technology promotes and rewards. We should maybe consider adding patience to the list of skills to practice. So say yes, or say no, but later on, consider why. Why was that your immediate reaction. If you are defensive, what are you defending? Examine these thoughts and behaviors so that you can learn more about yourself and be self-aware and honest enough to acknowledge when something needs to change.
So let it in, the discomfort will lead us to a world in which comfort can be attained by all, at the expense of none. Dismantling hierarchies is going to be uncomfortable for anyone with any measure of privilege. This is an unavoidable truth. As anarchists we do a lot of talking, and writing, and those are both healthy impulses, but we also are humans who tend to react quickly and strongly to things that offend us. But this is not harm comrade, you will survive the critique. For those doing the critiquing, it is equally important to allow time and space for developing your critique towards the problem, not the person. The goal is to grow together into the world we want to see, not attack each other and splinter the movement into smaller and smaller factions. This brings up the importance of call-in culture as a answer to call-out culture that seeks to stop discussion and resolution in favor of shaming and removal from the community. In response call-in culture offers a way to call a person in to a healing space of learning growing. This is the way to approach these situations collectively, as a exercise in patient care.
Do not accept people dismissing your concerns or gaslighting you into thinking you are the problem for raising a concern. This is white supremacist culture rearing its head in the avoidal of conflict. Accept conflict as you would discomfort. Making sure to guard your own safety against causes of real harm. Take on the challenge of learning how to navigate conflictual group dynamics, because we have to know how to do these things if we expect to live together in the sort of communities we envision. Accept slow, deliberate processes of resolving that conflict too, allowing time and space for all parties to grow into a better less harmful place.
What is meant by co-generation of comfort? When something is co-generated that means that instead of having one output from a system there are two or more. So in this context what we mean is how do we, by using the theory espoused here that discomfort is a useful tool for personal and collective growth, come to a state in which be end up with more of both? Can we imagine processes that can link the two, so that as we expand our explorations of discomfort, we actually find more comfort as a by product?
When we share spaces together it is important to be present in the moment, not rushing through things, but taking time to be deliberate and intentional. For example, when someone tells you they aren’t doing well, don’t immediately jump to solving their problems, just spend time listening without judgement or advice. Many times comfort can be co-generated by sitting with these potentially uncomfortable conversations. We should also structure breaks and retreats into our organizing so that we can come together in comfortable situations to enjoy a walk, see an art show, pray or meditate, watch a funny movie, listen to music, or put your feet up and do nothing! Things like gratitude help too. When someone gives us the gift of criticism or remarks on our behaviors, we can practice being grateful for their honesty, bravery, and love. Another useful idea is building routines into your daily life and organizing efforts. Enjoy the pleasure and comfort you receive from your first sip of tea or coffee in morning, from reading an inspirational book, from a regular prayer or contemplative practice, or from giving a hug to a loved one. But also schedule times to collectively approach uncomfortable subjects, and give ample time to talk about them in depth.